Is this you?
No matter what you’ve done, or what you’ve tried – it seems like “IT” is ALWAYS there.
You turn a corner on your afternoon walk and see a teenage couple holding hands on a park bench, and it stirs up images of your husband holding hands with the affair partner –
And once they start, the images stick with you until you go to bed at night.
Work offers some comfort
Being busy offers temporary solace
And still, thoughts of the affair seem to CONSTANTLY be playing in the back of your mind…
They overwhelm you during times of quiet
And push through when you are just FINALLY starting to enjoy yourself – reminding you of the deep sadness you still carry.
And honestly, you are So. Dang. Tired!
You’ve tried:
Going to couple’s counseling twice a week for 6 months
Repeatedly telling yourself to “move on” and “forget” about things
Reminding (and perhaps, convincing) yourself that you love him
Keeping tabs on him (checking his location, monitoring his socials, scouring his phone bill) in hope of some reassurance
Taking space away from each other - sleeping in separate rooms or separate locations
BUT no matter what you’ve tried,
Your brain is STILL so busy crafting all-too-detailed images of the affair and you have so many questions formulating in the back of your mind…
Can I trust him?
Is he going to cheat again?
What’s different now?
You would love to be able to remain in the present moment – enjoying walks with your dog and laughing with your bestie – without having your brain sabotaged by thoughts of the affair partner.
Can you relate?
It is completely normal to feel like your brain is constantly busy with thoughts of the affair, when there has been infidelity in your marriage.
Your trust was shattered. Your heart was broken.
If it’s been days, months, or even years since the affair and you’ve tried everything you can think of
But your brain is still busy and the trust isn’t where you want it to be …
Please don’t beat yourself up!
Affair recovery IS extremely difficult and can AT TIMES be painful as you are moving past the difficult emotions.
Affair recovery IS a lot of work.
AND ALSO – it can be a joyful experience. It is completely possible to heal from an affair – to restore trust, rebuild connection, and ditch images of the affair.
BUT – you DON’T need more couples counseling, personal pep talks, forcing yourself to think loving thoughts about your husband, digging deeper into practicing your detective skills on your husband OR passively taking a break from one another…
What you DO need is affair-specific strategies that will help you rebuild a solid foundation of trust and communication, followed by individualized guidance to help you create a marriage that is deeply connected and more satisfying than you ever could have imagined.
Wouldn’t it feel awesome to know that the work you are putting in is actually working to help you calm your mind and ease the pain you are feeling??
My hunch is that a lot of what you are doing is with the correct intention, but that there are likely small shifts that you can make in order to ACTUALLY reap the benefits of the work you are putting in.
Does that sound like you?
If you are interested in digging deeper and learning where you can make some shifts so that your brain can stop with its constant worrying, questioning and movie-making – I invite you to schedule a complimentary breakthrough session to learn more about how our programs are different and how we can help you make powerful shifts in your affair recovery.
I look forward to chatting with you!
All the best,
Dr. Shawn Haywood
About Dr. Shawn Haywood
Dr. Shawn Haywood is the founder of Reimagine Love. She is a classically trained therapist, as well as a life and marriage coach, who loves to work with women and couples to help them heal fully after an affair. Over the past 25 years, she has helped thousands of women move from the cycle of disconnect to one of unbreakable love and connection, while healing fully after infidelity, in a fraction of the time of traditional marriage counseling.
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