Updated: Dec 20, 2018
Look around at the people nearest you. What do see? Are their eyes filled with excitement, adventure and inspiration? Or do you see something more akin to the zombie apocalypse, staring blankly into space or at their phones?
Now look in the mirror… do you see the eyes of someone who lives his or her life and relationship as if on a perpetual ‘parachuting high’ with frequent bouts of wild love making? Or are the eyes shining back at you more like a zombie scene from the Walking Dead?
When I look around, most of the time I see complete and utter boredom on the faces of the people around me. Their expressions make me want to rip my clothes off and run streaking just so they can have a little excitement in their life! Ok, so maybe that’s over-stating a bit, but I genuinely do want couples to seriously jack up their level of excitement and adventure!
A new client recently told me that he was SO bored in his life and marriage that he was considering giving himself paper cuts to get a little adrenaline burst! WHAT the h***? I think he was joking…
What’s the deal with the vast magnitude of boredom in life and relationships these days? It’s like people have fallen asleep at the wheel and have forgotten that life can be as amazing or as boring as one chooses.
Here’s a little known fact: the reason most people have affairs is NOT a lack of commitment to their partner, NOR because they have lost love; but rather people have affairs because their lives and relationships have become boring and they need 50,000 volts straight to the jugular!
Ok, that’s staggering, right? Of course there are 1000 other possible actions besides affairs; but people get so lost in boredom that they lose creativity and when an opportunity for excitement is presented in the form of the opposite sex- it’s often too tempting to turn down.
It’s YOUR responsibility to make sure that YOUR personal experience of life is thrilling and blissful. This includes intentionally tending to your relationship so it can embody thrill and bliss. Let’s look at three ways to JAZZ up your life and relationship!
3 WAYS TO JAZZ UP YOUR LOVE LIFE…
1) Stop being so damn boring!
I know, it seems obvious. But take a moment to look at a typical week. I suspect it goes something like this: wake up, grab something mildly healthy for breakfast, go to work, work at a boring (or hopefully inspiring) job, get off work, grab a beer with a buddy (if you’re lucky), hit the gym, grocery or dry cleaners on the way home, scramble to make dinner, drink too much alcohol, clean the house and do a little laundry, watch TV or do more work, fall asleep, and press repeat for the next day… Is that a fitting description? Hopefully, if you’re lucky, the weekend holds a bit more excitement.
If you’re living in any kind of misery or perceived prison, you will be, feel, and act bored and imprisoned (which looks like crabby, stressed, depressed or anxious). One solution: decide to spice up your life and your relationship with a solid dose of creativity and spontaneity!
Be wacky and adventurous!
Turn on the 80’s music and dance around the house like a crazy person (one of my personal favorites!). Go to a thrift store and buy wacky prom clothes and go on a date. Break into your neighbors’ pool and go skinny dipping! Ok, so maybe forget I suggested that last one since it’s illegal… but you get the point - let your silly and creative side come out to play! Life is only as serious or boring as you allow.
We all have an inner nut-job begging to come out, and it’s time to give yours a voice. And just think of the look on your spouse or partner’s face when you suggest your wacky ideas. That alone will be worth the price of admission!
You could implement ‘wacky idea of the week.’ Every Friday, each of you can take turns coming up with something outrageous! TGIF will take on a whole new meaning, you and your lover will have the most fun since college, and boredom will be a mere glimmer in your rearview mirror!
2) Take up a new hobby, sport or language together. This is a great place to ditch some boredom. No doubt each of you has an old dusty ‘all I want to experience before I die’ list. Pull them out, or make new ones and compare notes. If your lists don’t align, then choose something from each list to begin. Like hiking and reading to each other (2 things Chris and I love doing together). Hiking gets us outdoors and playing (and climbing trees), while reading to one another sparks totally amazing conversation and connection.
It really doesn’t matter what you choose, as long as you choose to have fun doing it! Perhaps you try new hobbies at the first of each year.
3) Spice up your bedroom antics! This one could be tricky, as many relationships that have settled into doldrums or boredom are seriously lacking in the S.E.X. department. But, once you ignite a spark with the first two ideas, this one will likely be far easier to address.
Most couples have many hidden bedroom desires. In my experience, this is the place where couples are the most shy and fearful. It’s time to break down this wall. Who knows, maybe your lover is dying to have her own ‘red room’! Or perhaps a little love making on a secret beach spot, or possibly a set of furry handcuffs are in order. Who knows what the antics might be, but you won’t know until you and your sweetie begin talking about it! I don’t care how conservative, religious, or adventurous you and your lover are, there are always hidden bedroom gems longing for light.
Take a chance, begin a conversation. Ask, ‘Honey, how would you like our sex life to be spicier?’ Or, ‘What sex fantasies do you think about (or want to think about)?’ Or, ‘What toys would you like to try out?’
You could also head to the book store for a book on positions or tantric sex or the local sex store and check out what’s new! Either way, you’re sure to spice things up and diminish a great deal of the boredom that’s been plaguing your life and relationship.